I haven’t written here much, and it’s been quite a while since I published anything here at all, so I wanted to give an update.
When God calls us to do something, it can be scary, and that doesn’t mean we don’t want to be obedient or that we don’t believe in what we’re being called to do. Sometimes, a lot of the time, ok, ok, most of the time, God calls us to step outside of our comfort zones. Sometimes he asks us to act without getting the full picture, to step out in faith when we don’t understand what we’re doing or what we’re doing next. Our lack of understanding makes it difficult to do this, but God always knows what we need to get us to where he wants us to be. Growth isn’t always linear, not even growth in faith and our relationship with God. It’s one step forward, 2 steps back sometimes, but He always gets us to where we need to be if we trust in Him.
I say all this because this is my lived experience.
When I started this blog, I was doing my best to be obedient in what I was being called to do, but, I became paralyzed by thoughts of not being a good enough writer, not being a strong enough Christian, not being knowledgable enough about the bible, worries and insecurities about not being good enough, the past…just so many thoughts. When the devil plants those seeds of doubt, boy, can they take root. You can know what’s happening, be prepared for it to happen, and still fall into that trap. I fell into it and floundered for months. I wrote some in the background, but not consistently, and I didn’t put my words out into the world.
On November 1, 2025, I started a 100 day blogging challenge where the goal was to publish a blog post on my personal blog every day for 100 days so I could form a habit of writing daily without overthinking it. I think God knew that I needed to step back from this blog so that he could show me what he was asking me to do. I needed more preparation.
During this challenge, I became more comfortable writing and putting my words out into the world without overthinking things. I think God needed me to understand that he’s not asking me to be perfect, he’s just asking me to put words out into the world when he leads me to. They don’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.
Starting in November 2025 my family was pummelled with sickness. Cold/Flu/Covid season hit us hard. I had severe bronchitis during this time, and I didn’t think I’d ever be able to sleep lying down again. I stopped attending church in November because I didn’t want to get anyone sick, and sickness kept cycling through our home. (I have since attended a few times, and looking forward to attending more often.)
I have also been dealing with some other health issues that have affected every aspect of my life because of the way my energy levels are affected. When your energy plummets, everything becomes more difficult. I’ve recently made changes within my control to improve my health, starting with eating a healthier diet, and by God’s grace, I have a little more energy right now. I’m still dealing with some health concerns, but nothing life-threatening.
I wish I could say that during my time away, I’ve read my bible and prayed every day. I wish I could say that I honored the Sabbath perfectly. I wish I could say that I was the perfect little Christian. But I can’t, I’m not, and no one is.
The truth is, I struggled a lot. I didn’t question my faith, but there were days when I didn’t pray. There were weeks that I didn’t study God’s word. Some days God felt right there with me, and there were days when I felt like I was yelling into a void.
It’s funny, though, during this time God showed me what was in the way, the things that were affecting my relationship with him, mostly things that were distracting me or affecting my energy levels. During this time, I also had a chance to see how differently I felt when I was observing the Sabbath and when I wasn’t. I’m not saying that I believe Sabbath observance has anything to do with salvation, because I don’t, but if God shows me that my relationship with him is stronger when I honor the Sabbath, that’s enough for me to make it a priority.
The transition from blogging daily on my personal site to sharing my words here hasn’t been seamless. It’s been over two months since I completed that challenge. I don’t have the whole picture, but I do know I’ve learned so many lessons over the last several months. And I know that I woke up today and started to write.
Going forward, I hope to write more because I still feel like it’s something I’ve been called to do. I’m going to do my best to be obedient. I don’t have all the answers, but I’m ok with that. All I can do is stay close to God and trust that he will lead me where I need to be and reveal to me the things he needs me to know. I have to trust that he will give me the words he wants me to share and that those words will reach someone who needs them.
If you’re struggling in Faith Beyond The Tableyour walk with Jesus or in a challenging season, you’re not alone. He’s always there, even when it might not feel that way at the moment. Continue to seek him in prayer and through his word. And if you need immediate help, reach out to someone. Don’t suffer alone.